Only in America: The Craziest Wine Laws in the US
America gave the world jazz, the moon landing, and the cheeseburger. However, it also gave us some of the most spectacularly bizarre wine and alcohol laws ever written. Buckle up.
Welcome back to our series on the world’s weirdest wine laws.
In Part 1, we traveled the globe. We visited Bolivia, Scotland, France, and Canada. We discovered that Napoleon’s wine tax outlived his entire empire. We learned that being drunk in a British pub is technically illegal.
But we saved the best for last.
Because America — land of the free, home of the brave — has taken wine legislation to a whole new level. These laws are real. Some are still enforced today. And every single one of them will make you question everything.
Pour yourself a glass. You’re going to need it.
Kansas: Step Away From the Teacup, Sir
Here’s one that raises so many questions.
In Kansas, it is technically illegal to drink wine from a teacup. That’s right. A teacup. The vessel is the crime. The wine itself? Fine. The teacup? Absolutely not.
We have tried to imagine the events that made this law necessary. Did someone cause chaos at a tea party? Was there a great teacup wine scandal of 1887? We may never know.
However, what we do know is this: wine glasses exist for a very important legal reason in Kansas. Next time someone asks why you’re not using a mug, you can tell them you’re simply being law-abiding.
Alabama: Your Wine Label Is Too Sexy
In 2009, the state of Alabama banned a French wine label. The reason? It was deemed “immodest and sensuous.”
A wine label. Too sexy. For Alabama.
Alabama law makes it illegal to sell wine with labels featuring any “sensuous or immodest imagery.” Therefore, certain French wines — known for their artistic, expressive labels — have been turned away at the state border.
We can only imagine what the French winemakers thought when they received that news. We suspect there was a lot of dramatic shrugging involved.
Meanwhile, the wine inside the bottle remained perfectly legal. It was only the label causing offense. Only in America.
Pennsylvania: Sir, Do You Have Permission?
Pennsylvania has always done things differently when it comes to wine.
First, the state only allows wine and liquor to be sold through government-run stores. Pennsylvania has some of the strictest alcohol rules in the nation, allowing sales of wine and liquor only through around 600 special state-run stores. Furthermore, all wine prices must remain identical everywhere in the state. No discounts. No deals. No competition.
But it gets better.
There is an old Pennsylvania law stating that a man must obtain written permission from his wife before purchasing alcohol. In practice, nobody enforces this today. However, it sits there in the legal books, patient and waiting.
So gentlemen, if you’re in Pennsylvania and you’d like a nice bottle of Pinot Noir — perhaps send a quick text first. Just to be safe.
Nebraska: No Soup, No Beer. Simple.
Nebraska believes in balance. Specifically, the balance between beer and soup.
In Nebraska, a bar cannot legally sell beer unless it is simultaneously brewing a kettle of soup. Both must happen at the same time. One without the other is simply not permitted.
This law is so specific. So committed. So deeply Nebraskan. We genuinely respect it.
Moreover, it raises an important question: what happens if the soup runs out? Does the beer stop flowing? Does someone frantically start boiling water in the back? We need answers, Nebraska.
Ohio: Leave the Fish Out of It
Ohio looked at its citizens and decided that fish needed legal protection.
Specifically, it is illegal to get a fish drunk in Ohio. The law exists. It is written down. Someone, at some point, decided this was necessary.
On one hand, we appreciate the compassion for aquatic life. On the other hand, we have so many questions about what led to this legislation. What happened in Ohio? Who was involved? Was the fish okay?
Nevertheless, the law stands. If you’re visiting Ohio with wine in hand, please keep it away from any nearby fish. The authorities are watching.
Missouri: The Bucket Incident
St. Louis, Missouri has a law that is remarkably specific.
It is illegal to sit on a street curb and drink beer from a bucket in St. Louis. Not a glass. Not a bottle. A bucket. Someone sat on a curb with a bucket of beer in St. Louis and ruined it for everyone.
We don’t know who this person was. However, we owe them a complicated debt of gratitude. Because without them, we wouldn’t have this masterpiece of a law.
Also, it’s worth noting: the law specifically says bucket. Other containers, apparently, are a grey area. Interpret that as you will.
Alaska: No Moose at the Bar, Please
Fairbanks, Alaska has a very clear policy.
It is illegal to serve alcohol to a moose in Fairbanks. Not because moose regularly wander into bars and order drinks. But because, apparently, it happened enough times that a law became necessary.
Think about that. Someone in Fairbanks served a moose alcohol. Then someone else did. Then the government stepped in and said: “Enough. This stops now.”
Furthermore, Alaska also bans entertainment in brewery taprooms — including televisions, dancing, and games. Alaskan legislation prohibits entertainment in brewery taprooms, going beyond live acts — televisions, games, and dancing are all forbidden. So in Alaska, you can’t entertain a moose, and you can’t entertain yourself either. It’s just you and your drink. As nature intended.
Massachusetts: No Happy Hour, Ever
Massachusetts is a progressive, forward-thinking state. However, it draws the line at discounted drinks.
In Massachusetts, happy hours are strictly banned. There are no two-for-ones. No half-price wine Wednesdays. No drink specials of any kind. The Puritans founded this state, and the Puritans, it turns out, were deeply suspicious of a good deal on Chardonnay.
Therefore, if you’re visiting Boston and someone tells you there’s a happy hour, they are either lying or breaking the law. Possibly both.
New York: Wine Bags Are Illegal
New York has no shortage of wine laws. However, this one is particularly committed to ruining gift-giving.
According to the New York State Liquor Authority, you can buy wine, wine glasses, wine stoppers, and corkscrews at a liquor store — but the state prohibits them from selling wine gift bags. Sell a gift bag to a wine-buying customer and you’ll be fined $10,000.
Ten thousand dollars. For a gift bag.
You can buy the wine. You can buy the glass. You can buy the corkscrew. But if you want to put them together in a pretty bag and give them to someone? That will cost you ten thousand dollars.
New York: where everything is possible, except gift bags.
The United States: 50 States, 50 Levels of Chaos
Here’s the thing about American wine laws. Every single state has its own rules. Even before Prohibition, states and counties were creating laws related to the production, sale, and consumption of alcohol — leading to a hodgepodge of regulations on a state-by-state and county-by-county level.
So as a result, what’s legal in California may be a crime in Kansas. What’s normal in Nevada may be unthinkable in Utah. And somewhere in Nebraska, a bar is legally required to be making soup right now.
America is a beautiful, baffling, magnificent country.
And its wine laws are a perfect reflection of that.
Cheers to the Land of the Free
So there you have it. From teacups in Kansas to moose in Alaska, America has never done anything simply — including deciding how its citizens can enjoy a glass of wine.
Next time you pour a drink, take a moment. Appreciate that you are (probably) not breaking any laws. And if you are? We didn’t tell you.
Cheers! 🍷
Coming Up Next
Our Celebrity Wineries series is back. This time, we’re heading to Tuscany. A rock legend. A 900-acre estate. Wines named after his greatest hits.
Stay tuned — you won’t want to miss this one.
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